Happy Mama Secrets - about pregnancy and motherhood, my own story

These days I was invited to share my own story on The Good Mother Project with an article that would better describe my view of motherhood, my fears and my struggles while being a mom; with the topic Secrets. I accepted the invitation to take part in this action and that is why I am here sharing my story. Please do not judge me, if you disagree my point of view it is ok, share it with a comment or with a post, I would appreciate it.

My story.

I was 23 and my husband 24 when we decided to become parents. It was strange, we were worried about the idea to become parents. It was new for us, and we thought that we were too young. Then we thought we were together for almost 7 years, what to wait for? There would never ever be a perfect moment to have children. Always something occurs in life and makes you change the idea to become a parent. Decision was made. I got pregnant, we were happy, but I was feeling aware, feeling undecesive, even with this little human inside me... I was afraid... In my mind there were always a question ¨Are we doing right?¨ This question was struggling inside me during all my pregnancy...

Pregnancy

First 3 months of pregnancy I was literally sleeping everywhere, in public transport, waiting to the doctor, sometimes I was feeling asleep, with eyes opened, looking to the screen while working. I was so tired and to all of these I felt all most inocent smells that could be in the world. 

Next 3 months, 4 to 6, I was trying to hide my bump and I weared clothes that visiually would conceal my pregnancy. First reason I was doing that was because of the question that was raising inside me, the second reason was that everybody who seen my bump asked my age, and then where telling me how young I am...I suppose they thought I had forgotten my age. Other reason was the feeling of being fat and everyday somebody told me that I have a very big bump, the last reason got me crazy, as I began to look at pregnant women who were with the same number of weeks. During my 5th month of pregnancy I got a cold and I was coughing so much, as I was afraid for baby´s health.

And the last 3 months, 7 to 9, I felt sooo big and sooo fat and I was afraid that my husband won't love me anymore. I asked him to repeat me daily that he loves me and that I am beautiful. 

During all my pregnancy I ate continuously, yes continuously. Then I was always afraid of something. I was afraid about my baby's health, about his developing inside me, I was afraid about my body, about me, about everything. And when I was hearing that pregnancy is the most beautiful period of life, I would say no. I didn´t like to be aware of everything, to eat a lot and to become bigger everyday.

Big Day

The big day. I would say that for me the day when I gave birth was the best day of my life. The question which was continuously in my mind during 9 months, dissapeared. And the big YES came to my mind. We have done the right decision to become parents. Our son was the biggest gift in our lives. We were happy, I was happy. My journey to motherhood began in that day.

First 3 nights in the hospital weren't slept by myself nor by the kid either. I thought if this will happen with other 3 nights I won't resist. I found that I can resist even more nights without sleeping and I was ok. Then I read about oxytocin and how breast feeding helped me with sleepless nights.

With the beautiful world of motherhood came a lot of challenges. I would like to enumerate them all, or maybe some of them:

- first diaper, how to put it correctly...wierd, but I was first time mommy and I didn´t know how to do this. We called the nurse to help us.
- to understand why my baby is crying... and find it quick before I will begin to cry....I cried a lot first months
- to take shower in 1 or 2 minutes
- to manage to be ready in less than 10 minutes
- eat standing
- to get baby falling asleep
- to dress my baby with proper clothes, not too hot nor too cold
- to find 5 minutes to take my decaf coffee
- first day in the nursery 

- first time to leave him with somebody he doesn´t know
- first cold
- first everything

Our first year passed so quickly that looking back I realize how much work we've done together. Word motherhood means for me our passion to give all the best we could during his first year. As from 1 year we, me and my husband, became teachers, masters in our son´s world. There were more challenges for him then for us. He had to learn how to walk, to speak, to eat, to do a lot of things alone. It was difficult but I would say that for me this period was easier than first year of his life. 

Now our toddler is 2 and a month, just one month before his birthday we had tantrums everyday for everything. I thought that our "terrible" 2 began earlier, but no, it wasn't so. His tantrums last 1 or 2 weeks, no more, and I can firmly tell you that I have never ever enjoyed as much motherhood as I do from his 2nd birthday. I know that there will be more challenges and tough moments, but for sure I will pass them easier.

Thank you!