Recently I have read a scientific study about tantrums and how to deal with them on a toddler. And I have found out, that it is very important to leave your kid to calm down, then to ask him about his tantrums and to let him/her express his/her feelings.
All of us, for sure, have passed through such uncontrollable emotions of our toddlers and didn't know how to manage such comportament. So my questions always was, do I have to act immediately when my kid begins tantrums or it is better to leave him to cry a little bit then to act? In this study from Emotions Magazine, describes that the most effective strategy is to leave him cry few seconds or minutes and only then to act, because there are different phases of their tantrums, and depends on the phase phasethe tantrum is, you as a parent can control or not his emotions.
Here we go with the phases:
Phase 1. It is a crisis phase, when a toddler has a complex of emotions (rage, sadness, anguish and search of consolation), this means that he feels like nobody is understanding him. That is why, at this step it is preferable to ¨ignore¨ him, till he is open for consolation. A tantrum is a form of expression of a feeling that our kid is not able to control or to express in a right way. The idea at this phase it not to center on his tantrum, but to find patience within us to find the real reason of what have made our kid to feel bad.
Phase 2. Our kid begins to calm down, he is pretty open for consolation, now, it is the perfect moment for mum&dad to find what have caused such comportment on our kid. Ask questions and help your toddler to express his real feeling. This can be the feeling of less attention (this happens to me mostly of the times after a long working day and I pay less attention to my kid), or any other jealousy.
Phase 3. You have to discuss with your toddler and explain that either of his strange feeling he will be understood by mum or dad, and that is not necessary to create a tantrum . And that every problem has a solution, and it is absolutely normal to have the feeling that happens inside him.
Conclusion. It is better not to interrupt a tantrum. After making a study on 1300 toddlers of age of 2s and 3s, there is a scheme of a tantrum which is characterized with shrieking, shouting, crying, lament and whining. Last 2 help to calm down our kid, while first 2 are when the tantrum begins and it is better to leave toddler to pass first 2 and then to begin consolation.
This post is very theoretical, I know, as in reality it is very complicated to resist to all the tantrums. I think that I am a lucky mum and I had few of them, and believe me I know how horrible it is. You feel like no way to calm down the toddler and you feel helpless. I am very happy that I have found this study, because it helped me understand how to manage a tantrum on my toddler. I hope you will find it useful as well.
P.S. For various reasons I do not like to make images of my kid while he is crying, that is why I share with you a cute image of my kid :)
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